I wish you would have understood that it was never my goal to make you like me, not to get your dick, not a relationship. And I’ve said multiple times, I don’t like having the aim or the goal of pursuing a relationship when meeting people.
But most of all I wish you would have recognized that I wanted to give everything to you. And not in the sense that I wanted to be the one and not anyone else - even though it may seem like that because of how much I hated on your relationships. But no, I really do just hate your taste in women.
I just wanted to see you happy because I genuinely believe that you deserve it. I have always believed that and also still believe that.
And it makes me so sad because if you knew what and how intense my everything is - I just know you would love it so much. All this has made it so much more complicated to give myself to you.
It was never because of fear that I held back. It was always because I am actually very well aware of my worth and I don’t just go out gifting myself to people that don’t give anything of themselves to me.
And if you knew just how many fucking boundaries of mine I’ve crossed for you. The biggest one probably being standing completely naked in front of you, relatively short after that party. What do you think, how long would I have taken for that, normally? I’ll tell you. Fucking MONTHS.
All I wanted was someone that had the confidence and the ability to handle me in the most fucked up situations. And baby if I say that, I mean it - I wanted to give my life to you, leave it in your hands.
I wanted you to take all my air away until I faint, I wanted to feel your anger, I wanted you to put my head underwater if I was being to loud again, I wanted to suffocate and faint on your dick, I wanted you to make me cry.
I don’t care how fucked up that is for you. I only care how fucked up I think it is that someone doesn’t realize what it means to have the power to decide about a life. And how one could ever expect that to happen at the blink of an eye
Wanted.